Saturday, June 14, 2008


It's not only because I got a terribly painful swollen foot at the moment.. but sometimes I really get the feeling I'm behind. I'm limping behind the others like an old pirates with a wooden leg.
It's not really true.. I know that I aim for to much.. reaching for the moon makes u forget that there is a planet under your feet, but when I do realize I need to walk on this ground I feel like I'm an outsider.
and I am perhaps.
some people just know how to succeed, I just don't. I live in my dreams, love them and take for granted that reality should be like them. keep forgetting that reality is just the good old crap. should I stop dreaming? seems like a solution. but not for me.
my dreams are my fuel. the only consolation when the monster inside me turns alive and nothing else could help.
I expect friends to understand.. but they can't.. who could?
Not even I get the meaning of all this. I simply live with it. But can't ask other people to share with me.. I know I can't. would be far too cruel. and yet I keep getting cross if people aren't able to understand, respect.. I get crossed when I find mediocrity in people I spend my time with.
I'm even starting to think I'm infinitely superior to the rest of the world (or at least well different). and that's bad. I'm still waiting for somebody like me... does this person exist? perhaps not..
perhaps I should just be content with what I got....
perhaps not

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