Monday, December 22, 2008

Black Books

Customer: Excuse me?
Bernard: What? What!?
Customer: Do you have anything by Adam Philips?
Bernard: How would I know? Go to a proper bookshop
Customer: Look... there is no other way to say this, but I didn't come here to be insulted!
Bernard: Well, I didn't ask for the job of insulting you. You know, in another life, maybe we could have been brothers, running a small quirky taverna in Sicily. Maybe we would have married the local twins, instead of wasting each other's time here in this dump. But it was not to be... so hop it!

Fran: So what's it like then? The fags and booze.
Bernard: Well, to be honest, after years of smoking and drinking you do sometimes look at yourself and think...
Fran: yep..
Bernard: you know, just sometimes, in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that four hundredth glass of cornershop piss at 3am, you do sometimes look at yourself and think...
Fran: yep....
Bernard: .... "this is fantastic. I'm in heaven."

Bernard: Do you eat? I do. Do you want to do it in the same room, sometime?