There was once a turtle called Beer. He was crossing the road when he got stuck on a piece of gum and he couldn't move backward nor forward. In that moment a car came and run him over. But he didn't die. His shell however, got cracked. The driver stopped, came back and filled the cracks of his shell with crack. That made him feel better.
There was once a girl called Hip, who fell off a cliff and landed on her hip. Falling, she banged her head against a rock and her brain popped out her skull. Luckily a man was passing by and he put her brain back into her skull. She was so grateful that they had sex. But before they had sex a snake bit her in her ****** but she didn't realize thinking it was the man. So the man had to suck all the poison out, and saved her one more time. And then they did it doggy style.