Sunday, April 25, 2010


it's procrastination time so here's my list of things I love about summer...

shorts and t-shirts re-appearing
blue sky
pimm's and lemonade
general chilled mood
working in the library until late at night
long days
summer banter (yes it is different from winter banter..)
loud music
long walks in the sun
runs in the morning
walking through Fitz early when everyone is still asleep but the sun is up and bright
na caleya by la bandina
happy-smily-bouncy Deeds
working in the kitchen

Monday, April 19, 2010

Are you happy?

" You are an enigma, Marghe, because you are an intelligent person. And I think that intelligent people cannot be happy, but you are always happy. Are you really happy or are you pretending?"

What was I to answer?
The question just struck me like a lightening out of the blue sky.
Premise, I am not always happy. As whoever saw me crying every day in the past 2 months would know... But it is true that I try to look happy as much as I can. And also, that yes, my life is essentially happy. Does that make me less intelligent? Probably, yes. Sometimes I think it would be worth going back to constant total agony just to be able to write poems again, or to understand people like I used to.. but is it really? My life is essentially happy and there's nothing I can do about it. That said it doesn't mean I don't have my moments of crisis in which I feel weak, lonely, scared, abandoned by the world and surrounded by all my old monsters.. but I also know I can win this fight. Yes, I can.
At the end, I think, there will always be the same amount of wine in the glass but you have to choose if seeing the full half or the empty half. I chose to see the full half. All the time. Does that mean I'm pretending? Don't think so. Just that I know that seeing the empty half can drag me to the grave...
... nevertheless, still pondering on my existence...

John Barleycorn must Die.

Wednesday, April 07, 2010


Hate them...
not all of them, don't get me wrong, just a certain type of memories. Those sneaky ones that pop into my thoughts, my day, my life, when I least expect them, and make my heart jump, and my mind derail. And for a second I get lost... in lies and truths, pain and hope, hate, love, identity, interpretations, reality and relativism.. all that whirling upon my head..

John Barleycorn must die.

Sunday, April 04, 2010


Just remerged from the utter amazingness that is the Easter Triduum. Head still full of all the songs and symbols.. ears and skin still feeling Marta singing (my God, her voice makes me shiver every time.. ).. heart still lifted with hope. It's amazing how these three days with their theatrical representation of pain and hope manage to make you forget about everything else. I guess that's what the Greeks called cathartic..
two things are coming home from this particular Easter. two brilliant moments of epiphany if you like..
1. none of the Gospels ever mention that Jesus was nailed to the cross. No nails I'm afraid. Which struck me on Friday and I found quite funny...
2. Jesus dies on a Friday and rises again on a Sunday and it's not only because none went to see him on Saturday, He just rose the third day. Why so? Because, methinks, it is not enough to die. You got to go down to hell to rise again.

John Barleycorn must die.