Saturday, June 14, 2008


It's not only because I got a terribly painful swollen foot at the moment.. but sometimes I really get the feeling I'm behind. I'm limping behind the others like an old pirates with a wooden leg.
It's not really true.. I know that I aim for to much.. reaching for the moon makes u forget that there is a planet under your feet, but when I do realize I need to walk on this ground I feel like I'm an outsider.
and I am perhaps.
some people just know how to succeed, I just don't. I live in my dreams, love them and take for granted that reality should be like them. keep forgetting that reality is just the good old crap. should I stop dreaming? seems like a solution. but not for me.
my dreams are my fuel. the only consolation when the monster inside me turns alive and nothing else could help.
I expect friends to understand.. but they can't.. who could?
Not even I get the meaning of all this. I simply live with it. But can't ask other people to share with me.. I know I can't. would be far too cruel. and yet I keep getting cross if people aren't able to understand, respect.. I get crossed when I find mediocrity in people I spend my time with.
I'm even starting to think I'm infinitely superior to the rest of the world (or at least well different). and that's bad. I'm still waiting for somebody like me... does this person exist? perhaps not..
perhaps I should just be content with what I got....
perhaps not

Monday, June 09, 2008


Maybe the Moon is reaching for me this time.
Not saying that it will come down the sky for me.
But at the moment I feel like I'm flying up to the sky without reaching for anything..
.. just flying.

And the Moon will notice. Maybe. Nothing is impossible.

Dritti alla meta e coquista la preda!

Wednesday, June 04, 2008


What restrains me? Same old fears. Same old idiocy. I've been deceiving myself with a promise of courage. No way. I'm still the good old loser. And so? Am I gonna win myself this time? Am I gonna fight this battle and prove myself I'm different? I will. But not for me. No. I'll do it for a dream. A dream which is clearly impossible, out of reach. I'm reaching for the moon, again. And the moon won't come to me. Even if I win this battle. It will still be there.. miles away from me. What's the sense of all this then? What am I fighting for? What I'm trying to reach. I know it's impossible. I know...
But I keep fooling my weak mind with promises of happiness. Is that right. I don't know.. but it's my fuel, my dream, my direction. And I'll follow it. Cose I feel it's the right direction. Even if the moon won't come down the sky for me.

Sunday, June 01, 2008


I'm rather pissed off.
with myself first of all.. I should have known my limits, should have remembered that I'm crap at organizing even my own life, should have known I'm fragile and unstable and under stress even if I pretend I'm not.
what was I thinking when I decided to put myself in this?
I'm sure it's gonna work at the end.. but I should have left the job to somebody stronger.

with people secondly.. there's no much they can do.. but they look/sound rather disinterested.. again, should have remembered people can't be bothered, which is a good strategy for survival, but risk sometimes keeps u alive and have a better pay off in the long term (if u don't fail miserably in between, of course..) I like to think that I'm taking a risk... and failing, as usual, but at least I'm doing sth.

with Liz, as a third term of this equation. Because friends are those who dry your tears, and are there when u need help. U can't have my friendship if all that is for u is a biscuit and being silly. Grow up woman, stop giggling and thinking only to your stomach and self-existence. generosity and maturity. that's what u lack.. U can live well enough without them but remember that people get annoyed after having noticed that there's nothing more than childish behaviour that u can offer.

I take it as a test, It's my fault, fair enough, but I will win this challenge and get my price. I don't care. I'll stop being nice and patient I'll be nasty, selfish and get what I want. end of story!!

and Thanks to Bella and Katie for cheering me up and being generally amazing!!!